Mom covered almost everything with you; do unto others…take your vitamins…wash your hands and many more gems of wisdom. I have the opportunity to work with many talented people in business and have noticed some common struggles seem to be stumbling blocks to success for people in the workplace. If mom didn’t cover this or maybe it got lost along the way, here is the first stumbling block: Productively receiving negative feedback or criticism.
Receiving criticism well is an important skill that can help you improve on your weaknesses and emphasize your strengths
Let’s face it, nobody relishes in hearing people tell them things that could be perceived as weaknesses. Who wants to hear about what’s not going so well? With a few simple techniques, you can turn this information into something productive and helpful for your own growth and improvement:
1. Don’t react, respond
When someone brings up a criticism, our natural reaction is to be defensive. We feel threatened and may try to explain or justify what’s going on. When we feel threatened, we tend to think with a different part of our brain (the primal) part. This part of our brain rules by being very reactionary. Think of the “fight or flight” response. So most people will either retreat or go into attack mode.
Try to resist this natural reaction and instead slow down. Take a deep breath and listen. Perhaps a question would be helpful: “Tell me more about why you think that?” You don’t need to agree with the person to hear them out. You could empathize with them by pointing out how they are feeling. “I see this situation is upsetting for you”.
You normally don’t owe them answer right away. Would it be more beneficial to take some time and consider what they have shared? Most importantly, would it make sense to actually thank them for coming to you with a concern? Sometimes a simple, “thank you for bringing that to my attention, I will certainly reflect on what you have said”, is the ideal response in these situations.
2. Recognize that nobody’s perfect
Secondly, if you believe this criticism has shattered a perfect track record, you likely need a reality check. We all have areas where we can improve. Some of them we are well-aware of, but others are legitimate blind spots. If someone shared something with you that seems to hit a blind spot, you have the most to gain from realistically considering what was said.
The most successful leaders who excel in their careers are always in a state of self-development. They consider what can be done to improve and make active plans to do so. If someone just shared with you something to work on, they have given you a gift. One you can make the most of or brush aside, potentially to come back to haunt you at some point in the future. If they told you, how many other people perceive the same thing, yet decided not to address it with you?
3. Seek to understand
When you take a few moments to consider the feedback that was shared with you, try to see it from someone else’s perspective. We often get so wrapped up in our plans, needs and agenda that we fail to consider the point-of-view others may have. Once you can relate to another’s outlook, you are in a better place to understand where their comments are coming from. From there you are in an even better position to address it (assuming it is something that needs to be addressed).
4. Find the truth
If after considering the feedback, you are still struggling with what to make of it, remember a favorite term of marketers: “Perception Equals Reality”. Sure, what people perceive may be their reality. However, it is not always equal to what is the truth, or intended. Ultimately, what is the reason why someone holds a particular perception? You may have to dig more deeply beyond what was said to understand the truth or recognize that your intent was misunderstood based on the perception that was shared with you.
If you can see the criticism as an opportunity to more deeply understand and improve, it will be a productive exchange. You may even come out of it as a stronger leader with an improved working relationship.