They desperately seek your approval.  They’re watching everything you do.  They’re listening to every word you say.  Not only are they watching and listening – they’re acting on it.  They’re doing the things you do.  They’re saying the things you say.

Who are “they”?

They’re your team members.  “They”‘ could also be your kids if that’s what you were thinking!Someone I respect greatly, very simply stated, “People follow their leaders.”  Your actions dictate what’s acceptable and what’s expected from your team.  Whether you do it consciously or unconsciously, you’re creating your team’s culture.  Whether you want to or not, right now, you’re leading by example.

Your language becomes their language.  Your actions become their actions.

  • Blow off their emails and phone calls – they’ll do the same with your clients’ emails and phone calls.
  • Gossip and speak poorly about other team members and clients – they’ll do the same.
  • Create obstacles for others to get some of your time – they’ll do the same when it comes to their time.

Here’s the good news: the same is true for the good stuff.

  • Take a vested interest in their success – they’ll do the same for your clients and other team members.
  • Stay upbeat and positive – they’ll do the same.
  • Speak highly of your internal and external clients – they’ll do the same.
  • Seek to understand before seeking to be understood – they’ll do the same.

Make them feel important, appreciated, valued, and liked – they’ll make your clients feel important, appreciated, valued, and liked.

Get it?

The bottom line is a “Do as I say – not as I do” approach may work short-term, but will never work in the long run.  You can’t constantly beat on your folks and expect them to hug your clients.  What we’re talking about here is conditioning.  Just as you’re conditioning others, the people you’ve been watching your whole life helped condition you.

Here’s how you begin to fix it:

  1. Accept responsibility for your team’s behavior.
  2. Identify the specific behaviors you want to change within the team and write them down.
  3. Take a good, hard look inside and pinpoint the instances where you’ve exhibited those behaviors.  Write them down.
  4. Create a pattern interrupt – something to stop the behavior when you catch yourself doing it.  This is something meant to change your physiology: clapping your hands, pumping your fist, a chant, etc.  Write it down.
  5. Insert a replacement habit – the way you expect yourself and others to react.  Write it down.
Don’t be too hard on yourself as you work to catch those bad habits and replace them.  It took a long time to build those habits.  It will take a while to replace them.

Lastly, while you need to take responsibility, you can’t blame yourself for the individual behavior of every team member.  They’ve had years of prior conditioning before you.

Bottom line: don’t underestimate your influence in helping them change.