In the last post, I asked the question, “Has fear of something ever kept you from reaching your goals?” I offered four tangible ways to break the cycles of fear. What happened when I applied those steps to conquer my own fear? As a coach who helps others reach their goals, that in some cases involve overcoming a fear or apprehension, it is always good to put my advice to the test.
My fear was swimming. This was not a crippling fear of water; I could get in a wading pool…I could ride in a boat; fly over water in an airplane, no problem. This was not life altering stuff. I simply avoided swimming in lakes and anywhere I could not touch the bottom, while keeping my head above the water. Life never called for me to have that skill, and let’s just say after a couple “bad experiences” as a kid in lakes, I had found my place in life on dry land.
After a couple of friends encouraged me to sign up for a triathlon, I decided it was time to get past this issue for the sake of reaching a fitness goal and knocking something off the bucket list. Here is a look at how I used the methods mentioned last time to overcome fear:
Look for small, safe ways to face your fears
First and foremost, I knew what seemed like a huge step for me, may look like a small step to someone else. At first, external benchmarks matter less when you are getting past your own fear. Initially, make this about doing your personal best, worrying less about someone else. Following this logic, I signed up for a mini-sprint; pretty much the shortest distance you can swim in a triathlon, 400 meters. Having talked to several past participants, I learned the atmosphere was really supportive. There would be plenty of others in the water, lots of people in boats along the way, water noodles to take a rest and even buoys to grab a hold of if needed. Pretty hard to drown with all that support!
Find a mentor or coach
A friend of mine, an experienced tri-athlete, agreed to coach me on my swimming. What a help it was to get training from someone who really knows what they are doing. She gave such practical advice and even offered insight on mental preparation before the race.
Seek additional training/preparation
I made it a point to swim regularly in a recreation center pool. I made sure I could go the distance in a safe environment, where I could always stand up if I needed a break. I was surprised how quickly I worked up to the 16 lap distance needed to accomplish the swim.
Replace some negative associations you have about the fear with some positive ones
Frankly, after completing the 16 laps, I was still losing sleep over the thought of getting in the open water. I knew I had to try it before race day and even considered pulling out of the whole thing all together. Isn’t that crazy? I had already proven that I could swim that distance in the pool. Physically I knew I could do it. Yet still, I was thinking about quitting due to fear. I am sure I am not alone. Thankfully the people who encouraged me to sign up for the triathlon in the first place, were planning a practice open swim a week before the race.
To the lake we went, one Saturday morning. I remember walking down the path to the lake, thinking, I could drown. There was no lifeguard on duty. I didn’t expect my friends could pull me from the middle of the lake if I needed help. Finally on the beach, I had to start slowly, feet in the water, moving forward with deep breaths. My friends, who were much stronger swimmers, stayed beside me and made sure I was alright. My head rarely submersed in the water, but I knew I was doing it! Once I crossed the lake, I knew I could do it. I took my time and gave myself many breaks, as I just couldn’t quite get my breathing under control. By the end of the swim, my fear was replaced with confidence. The supposed “non-swimmer” had just made it across a lake and back. The race now seemed doable. At least I knew I would not drown!
When do you bother facing your fears?
Do you think you need to tackle fear for overcoming fear’s sake? I am not suggesting we all become adrenaline junkies. Looking for the next big rush by jumping out of planes, bungee diving off bridges or taking up base-jumping from tall buildings. Be honest with yourself. Do you have a goal in life, a dream or aspiration that you have not pursued because of fear of failing? Is there someone who needs straight-talk from you, but you hesitate with apprehension about what reaction your honest, well-intended feedback will produce?
Before making the decision to face a fear or situation you are hesitant about, ask yourself, “What is the upside of getting past this?” If you can see clear benefits of taking steps to get past the fear that go beyond, the sake of doing it, let those possibilities fuel you to take action.
Professionally I had to get there too. I was in a steady corporate job with a successful company, co-workers I enjoyed and enough credibility in the role I had to make it a really nice, comfortable ride. However, I knew for the last couple of years I was not growing professionally. I was very motivated by the notion of helping others as leaders, in their careers. I was getting to do that directly less and less in my corporate job. I felt compelled to make a change, one that has led me to a new chapter with Aha! Leadership. Being totally honest, it was not without moments of fear of the unknown after 15 years in the corporate world.
The exhilaration of following a dream and a vision is exciting, no doubt. In those moments of uncertainly, I remember the feeling at the finish line of the triathlon and thinking simply, “I did it”. Take those personal triumphs, overcoming fears, even small things and use that momentum to build upon further success. Build success cycles out of a fear cycle. As the quote of the week from Bill Cosby reminds us: “Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”
Imagine what advice your future 90-year-old self would want to offer you today. Few people look back on their lives and say, I wish I had tried less, risked less, experienced less. Is there really anything to be afraid of besides, holding yourself back?