Who are you right now? Who were you 4 hours ago? Who will you be in another 4 hours? People have different “hats” that they wear throughout any given day. In the morning you might be a parent getting children off to school, during the work day you probably behave much differently interacting with colleagues, leaders, and customers, and in the evening maybe you are a baseball coach for your son’s team, or will meet friends for dinner. It’s interesting how differently we interact, talk & behave in each kind of situation.
Certainly we should adapt our communications and behavior to be appropriate in different situations & with different people. Imagine how you talk with a customer versus the way you speak to your spouse, kids or friends – how you interact is defined by what you believe your “role” is in each instance. However even within a role we sometimes automatically act differently in different situations – and many times we’d be far more effective if we didn’t.
Have you ever watched someone you know “give a presentation” at work? Did they get in to their “presentation mode” and talk at people instead of with them? Did they become a rather stiff and more formal version of themselves? Did their voice suddenly become an octave higher & they seemed to talk to the group unnaturally loud? Or maybe they read their thoughts to the group like people often do when they give a speech. Have you ever been on a sales call where the salesperson went into their “salesperson” mode with an agenda to sell something no matter what, or switched into their “expert” role where they had to make sure the customer knew how smart they are – and never heard what the customer knows or needs? Have you experienced seeing how people seem to change when they talk to someone in senior leadership within your company?
In all of the examples the “switch” occurs in situations where there is something substantial on the line that the person feels responsible for affecting – maybe a big sale or chance to impress a boss. The point is that it’s interesting how automatically people change their demeanor to match a situation. When that happens it means we are focusing on ourselves – how we should act and how we are perceived – rather than making sure we are connecting with our audience (whether one person or a large group), and making sure they are getting out of it what they need.
Focusing on simply sharing information with people and helping them understand makes it far more likely you’ll make the sale or impress your boss. Think of yourself as the host or hostess of the event, focus on your guests, on making them comfortable & serving them what they need. So when its show time and you start to feel the adrenaline tell yourself: I need to just talk with people. Be your natural self – it’s what you do best, and no one does it better than you!
Author: Michelle Laxa