Are You Pursuing Perfection and Missing Your Best?
There’s nothing as unsettling as the feeling you get when you’ve become used to being successful, and then you try something new – and it doesn’t exactly “work”.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” “If at first you don’t succeed – try and try again.” “When you fall down, get right back up and start again.” Those are the kinds of things people often say they believe about the road to success, trying new & uncertain things and learning from mistakes. We say those things – but how many of us believe them? How many of us truly live like we believe them?
Even though we know that failure is part of the process of becoming (and staying) successful, it never feels good. Disappointing, humbling, a little embarrassing – just a few of the words that came to my mind after recently attempting something new in front of a room full of people. It’s not that it was horrible, or a total failure – it just wasn’t great, not as effective as I had wanted it to be, as I thought it should have been. So then why did it feel SO uncomfortable? I had become used to being really good at what I do, effective & successful, used to accolades and enthusiastic responses. On a scale from 1-10, I had worked hard to almost always be a 10. Not an eight. Eight does not feel nearly as good as ten.
Feel … want … should … expectation. Dangerous words if we aren’t careful. It feels good to be the expert, the one that always delivers, knowing that you’ve earned respect, and that people have learned to have high expectations of you – but if we aren’t careful the expectations of others and of ourselves can become a box. Without close attention we can accidentally miss opportunities for growth and further success by not allowing ourselves outside of the “box” where we can be sure we are great. Boxes were invented to keep things inside of them. Even a big box is designed to hold something.
When I sat down to do my usual post-workshop exercise, “what went well, what didn’t, what do we keep, what do we get rid of” – I was having a hard time getting past the “eight” feeling. It made me want to throw it all out – but I know better. I know in my heart the instinct and intention I have for this effort is valid, my clients have a need for it, and I know how to help them. The truth is that the real problem was, that it had been a little longer than I realized since I had stepped far enough out, to be really hanging out there. Something my Dad always said to me when I growing up popped into my head, “If you’re not failing on a regular basis then you’re not trying enough new things.” I believe that! But without realizing it, I had stopped living like that for a little while. What I needed to throw out was the safety net, punch a big hole in the box (and my ego), follow my gut, and rework the material.
Henry Ford said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” I almost let the pursuit of perfection, derail me from the pursuit of my passion to work with others to help them achieve their goals – if even for a little time! We don’t have to be perfect out of the gate – it is an unrealistic expectation. We only have to keep trying our best, purposefully learn from our mistakes, and improve each time we do it.
Most importantly remember to laugh at the “failures”. If you think about it – aren’t your best stories about the times when something went wrong, or didn’t go according to plan? Make a deal with yourself today: from here on when things don’t go well, or you flat out fail – you will remind yourself that you just put a deposit into the “memory bank”, that in 6 months, a year, or five years from now will be a funny story you’ll tell. Make it funny not failure.
Thomas Edison had 1,000 failed attempts before inventing the light bulb – and he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work!” Don’t let the pursuit of perfection keep you from your best! Read the list of 50 Famously Successful People Who “Failed” First below!
50 Famously Successful People Who Failed At First
Not everyone who’s on top today got there easily. More often than not, those who history best remembers were faced with numerous obstacles that forced them to work harder and show more determination than others. Next time you’re feeling down about your failures, keep these fifty famous people in mind and remind yourself that sometimes failure is just the first step towards success!
Business Gurus
- Henry Ford: Known today for his innovative assembly line and American-made cars, he wasn’t an instant success. In fact, his early businesses failed and left him broke five times before he founded the successful Ford Motor Company.
- R. H. Macy: Most people are familiar with this large department store chain, but most don’t know that he started seven failed businesses before finally hitting it big with his store in New York City.
- F. W. Woolworth: Some may not know this name today, but Woolworth was once one of the biggest names in department stores in the U.S. Before starting his own business, young Woolworth worked at a dry goods store and was not allowed to wait on customers because his boss said he lacked the sense needed to do so.
- Soichiro Honda: The billion-dollar business that is Honda began with a series of failures and fortunate turns of luck. Honda was turned down by Toyota Motor Corporation for a job after interviewing for a job as an engineer, and he was jobless for quite some time. He started making scooters on his own at home, and spurred on by his neighbors, finally started his own business.
- Akio Morita: You may not have heard of Morita but you’ve most certainly heard of his company, Sony. Sony’s first product was a rice cooker that unfortunately burned rice rather than cook it, and sold less than 100 units. But this setback didn’t stop Morita and his partners as they kept moving forward and created a multi-billion dollar company.
- Bill Gates: Gates started his walk to success by dropping out of Harvard and starting a failed first business with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen called Traf-O-Data, before creating the global empire that is Microsoft.
- Harland David Sanders: Better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame, he had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.
- Walt Disney: Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn’t last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that “worked”.
Scientists and Thinkers
These people are often regarded as some of the greatest minds of our century, but they often had to face great obstacles, the ridicule of their peers and the animosity of society.
- Albert Einstein: Today it’s a name synonymous with genius, but he didn’t always show such promise. Einstein did not speak until he was four and did not read until he was seven, causing his teachers and parents to think he was mentally handicapped, slow and anti-social. Eventually, he was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. Eventually he went on to win the Nobel Prize and change the face of modern physics.
- Charles Darwin: In his early years he gave up on having a medical career and was often chastised by his father for being lazy and too dreamy. Darwin himself wrote, “I was considered by all my masters and my father a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect.”
- Robert Goddard: Goddard today is hailed for his research and experimentation with liquid-fueled rockets, but during his lifetime his ideas were often rejected and mocked by his scientific peers who thought they were outrageous and impossible. Today rockets and space travel aren’t considered far-fetched at all, due largely in part to the work of this scientist who worked against the feelings of the time.
- Isaac Newton: Newton was undoubtedly a genius when it came to math, but he had some failings early on. He never did particularly well in school and when put in charge of running the family farm, he failed so poorly that an uncle took charge and sent him off to Cambridge where he finally blossomed into the scholar we know today.
- Socrates: Despite leaving no written records behind, Socrates is regarded as one of the greatest philosophers of the Classical era. Because of his ideas, in his own time he was called “an immoral corrupter of youth” and was sentenced to death. Socrates didn’t let this stop him and kept right on, teaching up until he was forced to poison himself.
- Robert Sternberg: This big name in psychology received a C in his first college introductory psychology class with his teacher telling him that, “there was already a famous Sternberg in psychology and it was obvious there would not be another.” Sternberg showed him, however, graduating from Stanford with exceptional distinction in psychology, summa cum laude, and Phi Beta Kappa and eventually becoming the President of the American Psychological Association.
Inventors
These inventors changed the face of the modern world, but not without a few failed prototypes along the way.
- Thomas Edison: In his early years teachers told Edison he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for not being productive enough. Even as an inventor Edison first made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb.
- Orville and Wilbur Wright: Both brothers battled depression and family illness before starting the bicycle shop that would lead them to experimenting with flight. It took numerous attempts at creating flying machines, several years of hard work, and tons of failed prototypes, the brothers finally created a plane that could get airborne and stay there.
Public Figures
From politicians to talk show hosts, these figures had a few failures before they came out on top.
- Winston Churchill: This Nobel Prize-winning, twice-elected Prime Minster of the United Kingdom wasn’t always as well regarded as he is today. Churchill struggled in school and failed the sixth grade. After school he faced many years of political failures, as he was defeated in every election for public office until he finally became the Prime Minister at the ripe old age of 62.
- Abraham Lincoln: Today he is remembered as one of the greatest leaders of our nation, but Lincoln’s life was not easy. In his youth he went to war a captain and returned a private (in case you’re not familiar with military ranks – a private is as low as it goes.) Lincoln didn’t stop failing there. He started numerous failed businesses and was defeated in numerous runs he made for public office.
- Oprah Winfrey: Known Oprah as one of the most iconic faces on TV as well as one of the richest and most successful women in the world. Oprah faced a hard road to get to that position, enduring a rough and often abusive childhood as well as numerous career setbacks including being fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for TV.”
- Harry S. Truman: This WWI vet, Senator, Vice President and eventual President eventually found success in his life, but not without a few missteps along the way. Truman started a store that sold silk shirts and other clothing–seemingly a success at first–only go bankrupt a few years later.
- Dick Cheney: This recent Vice President and businessman made his way to the White House but managed to flunk out of Yale University, not once, but twice. Former President George W. Bush joked with Cheney about this fact, stating, “So now we know –if you graduate from Yale, you become president. If you drop out, you get to be vice president.”
Hollywood & Celebrities
These actors, actresses and directors saw their fair share of rejection and failure before they made it big.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Just about everybody knows who Seinfeld is, but the first time the young comedian walked on stage at a comedy club, he looked out at the audience and froze, and was eventually jeered and booed off of the stage. Seinfeld knew he could do it, so he went back the next night, completed his set to laughter and applause, and the rest is history.
- Fred Astaire: In his first screen test, the testing director of MGM noted that Astaire “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” Going on to become an incredibly successful actor, singer and dancer, he kept that note in his Beverly Hills home to remind him of where he came from.
- Sidney Poitier: After his first audition, Poitier was told by the casting director, “Why don’t you stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?” Poitier vowed to show him that he could make it, going on to win an Oscar and becoming one of the well-regarded actors in the business.
- Jeanne Moreau: As a young actress just starting out, this French actress was told by a casting director that she was simply not pretty enough to make it in films. Moreau when on to star in nearly 100 films and win numerous awards for her performances.
- Charlie Chaplin: It’s hard to imagine film without the iconic Charlie Chaplin, but his act was initially rejected by Hollywood studio chiefs because they felt it was a little too nonsensical to ever sell.
- Lucille Ball: She had thirteen Emmy nominations and four wins, earning the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Kennedy Center Honors. Before starring in I Love Lucy, Ball was widely regarded as a failed actress and a B movie star. Even her drama instructors didn’t feel she could make it, telling her to try another profession.
- Harrison Ford: In his first film, Ford was told by the movie execs that he simply didn’t have what it takes to be a star. Today, with numerous hits under his belt, iconic portrayals of characters like Han Solo and Indiana Jones, and a career that stretches decades, he obviously does in fact have what it takes.
- Marilyn Monroe: While Monroe’s star burned out early, she did have a period of great success in her life. Despite a rough upbringing and being told by modeling agents that she should instead consider being a secretary, Monroe became a pin-up, model and actress that still strikes a chord with people today.
- Oliver Stone: This Oscar-winning filmmaker began his first novel while at Yale, a project that eventually caused him to fail out of school. The text was rejected by publishers and was not published until 1998, at which time it was not well-received. After dropping out of school, Stone moved to Vietnam to teach English, later enlisting in the army and fighting in the war, a battle that earned him two Purple Hearts and helped him find the inspiration for his later work that often center around war.
Writers and Artists
We’ve all heard about starving artists and struggling writers, and these that pushed through to become beloved and well-known.
- Vincent Van Gogh: During his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only one painting, and this was to a friend and only for a very small amount of money. While Van Gogh was never a success during his life, he plugged on with painting sometimes starving to complete over 800 known works. Today, they bring in hundreds of millions.
- Emily Dickinson: Recluse and poet Emily Dickinson is a commonly read and loved writer. Yet in her lifetime she was all but ignored, having fewer than a dozen poems published out of her almost 1,800 completed works.
- Theodor Seuss Giesel: Today nearly every child has read The Cat in the Hat or Green Eggs and Ham, yet 27 different publishers rejected Dr. Seuss’s first book To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.
- Charles Schultz: The Peanuts comic strip has had enduring fame, yet this cartoonist had every cartoon he submitted rejected by his high school yearbook staff. Even after high school, Schultz applied and was rejected for a position working with Walt Disney.
- Steven Spielberg: He was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film and Television three times. He eventually attended school at another location, only to drop out to become a director before finishing. Thirty-five years after starting his degree, Spielberg returned to school in 2002 to finally complete his work and earn his BA.
- Stephen King: The first book by this author, the iconic thriller Carrie, received 30 rejections finally causing King to give up and throw it in the trash. His wife fished it out and encouraged him to resubmit it, and the rest is history. King has written & had hundreds of books published, and has the distinction of being one of the best-selling authors of all time.
- Zane Grey: Incredibly popular in the early 20th century, this adventure book writer began his career as a dentist, something he quickly began to hate. So, he began to write, only to see rejection after rejection for his works, being told eventually that he had no business being a writer and should give it up. It took him years, but at 40, Zane finally got his first work published, leading to almost 90 books and selling over 50 million copies worldwide.
- J. K. Rowling: Before she published the series of Harry Potter novels she was nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced, trying to raise a child on her own while attending school and writing a novel. Rowling went from depending on welfare to survive to being one of the richest women in the world in a span of only five years through her hard work and determination.
- Monet: Today Monet’s work sells for millions of dollars and hangs in some of the most prestigious institutions in the world. Yet during his own time, it was mocked and rejected by the artistic elite, the Paris Salon. Monet kept at his impressionist style, which caught on and in many ways was a starting point for some major changes to art that ushered in the modern era.
- Jack London: One of the most beloved and well-known American authors, he wasn’t always such a success. While he would go on to publish popular novels like White Fang and The Call of the Wild, his first story received six hundred rejection slips before finally being accepted.
- Louisa May Alcott: Most people are familiar with Alcott’s most famous work, Little Women. Yet Alcott faced a bit of a battle to get her work out there and was encouraged to find work as a servant by her family to make ends meet. It was her letters back home during her experience as a nurse in the Civil War that gave her the first big break she needed.
Musicians
While their music is some of the best selling, best loved and most popular around the world today, these musicians show that it takes a whole lot of determination to achieve success.
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Mozart began composing at the age of five, writing over 600 pieces of music that today are lauded as some of the best ever created. Yet during his lifetime, Mozart didn’t have such an easy time, and was often restless, leading to his dismissal from a position as a court musician in Salzberg. He struggled to keep the support of the aristocracy and died with little to his name.
- Elvis Presley: One of the best-selling artists of all time. But back in 1954 Elvis was still a nobody, and the manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after just one performance telling him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”
- Igor Stravinsky: In 1913 when he debuted his now famous Rite of Spring, audiences rioted & ran the composer out of town. Yet it was this very work that changed the way composers in the 19th century thought about music and cemented his place in musical history.
- The Beatles: when they were just starting out, a recording company told them no. They were told “we don’t like your sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
- Ludwig van Beethoven: In his formative years young Beethoven was incredibly awkward on the violin and was often so busy working on his own compositions that he neglected to practice. Despite his love of composing, his teachers felt he was hopeless at it and would never succeed with the violin or in composing. Beethoven went on to compose some of the best-loved symphonies of all time–five of them while he was completely deaf.
Athletes
While some athletes rocket to fame, others endure a different path.
- Michael Jordan: He was cut from his high school basketball team. Jordan didn’t let this setback stop him from playing the game and he has stated, “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
- Stan Smith: This tennis player was rejected from even being a lowly ball boy for a Davis Cup tennis match because event organizers felt he was too clumsy and uncoordinated. Smith went on to win Wimbledon, U. S. Open and eight Davis Cups.
- Babe Ruth: You probably know Babe Ruth because of his home run record (714 during his career), but along with all those home runs came a pretty hefty amount of strikeouts as well (1,330 in all). In fact, for decades he held the record for strikeouts. When asked about this he simply said, “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”
- Tom Landry: As the coach of the Dallas Cowboys, Landry brought the team two Super Bowl victories, five NFC Championship victories and holds the record for the most career wins. He also has the distinction of having one of the worst first seasons on record (winning no games) and winning five or fewer over the next four seasons.
Be, Do, Have
HAVE, DO, BE…
Many of us chase success, only to find it to be an elusive tease. We say to ourselves if “I could HAVE what I want (money, fame, power, clothes, spouse, car, house, etc.) then I could DO the things I want, which, in turn, would allow me to BE who I truly am.”
We think Have, Do, Be. Unfortunately, that’s backwards.
When you study the most successful and happy people, they run the reverse model. They first focus on who they are (philosophy, character, culture) and are uncompromising on BEING true to those beliefs. This allows them to DO the things they want. Because they are authentic and follow their destiny, they end up HAVING what they need. The HAVING is simply a byproduct of first BEING and then DOING.
If you really want to maximize your true potential, turn the conventional approach upside down. BE true to your core beliefs, DO the things you care about, and the HAVE will take care of itself.
In terms of BEING, a good starting point is to write your own eulogy. When it’s all said and done, how do you want to be remembered? As a selfish, workaholic jerk? A fear-laden rule follower? A liar? Most of us want to exude strong character, contribute to humanity, and express our creativity. You don’t need a new Porsche or a 5-bedroom house to begin being a person you can admire.
Start thinking about what inspires you, not what you think you "should' do
When you think about DOING, forget about the status quo and what you think you “ought” to do. Instead, follow a path that is both inspired and inspiring. Step away from what you perceive as “safe” since you only have so many years to make your mark. Start by asking yourself these seven questions:
1. What do you love to do the most?
2. What gives you the most satisfaction and joy?
3. When do you feel like you are making the biggest impact?
4. What activities most energize you?
5. What would you do if there were no possibility you could fail?
6. What are you doing when you lose track of time?
7. If you could be remembered for one thing, what would it be?
If you’ve identified a career path that is radically different from your current gig, it’s time to take a hard look in the mirror and consider seizing your true calling. If you don’t, who will?
As for the HAVE, it will take care of itself. If you follow your passion and purpose, you’ll get all the stuff you need. By focusing on being who you are meant to be and doing what you are meant to do, the having will end up being a whole lot less important anyway.
Stop with Have, Do, Be. It’s time to Be, Do, Have.
Painless Performance Appraisals
The time of year is quickly approaching when most organizations ask their managers to conduct annual reviews of performance. Frankly, this does not inspire much excitement for most team members or their managers alike. The current perception of performance reviews in Corporate America is not stellar. A recent study by Watson Wyatt found the following:
- Less than two-thirds of the sampled employees (60%) said that they understand the measures used to evaluate their performance
- Even fewer sampled employees (57%) thought that their performance was rated fairly
- Less than half (47%) said that their managers clearly expressed goals and assignments
- Only about two-fifths of the sample (42%) reported regular, timely performance reviews
- Even fewer (39%) reported that their performance review was helpful in improving their on-the-job performance
With less-than-helpful reviews, that seem arbitrary and not effective for improving performance (if they happen at all); it is no surprise that appraisals are not thought of as a value-added process at many organizations.
Performance reviews don't have to be a painful process. They are meant to faciliate growth.
What are some ways to make your reviews have more impact, going against the norm? If you are still reading this you are probably the type of leader who recognizes the value of useful feedback. Not just feedback for the sake of feedback, but feedback that is really beneficial in helping someone know where they stand and how to improve. Here are some tips and best practices to provide impactful feedback:
1. Useful: Ensure the feedback you provided is useful by following the Keep, Start, Stop format.
- Keep – consider what this person does that makes him or her effective. Use positive reinforcement and encourage them to find other ways to utilize this strength.
- Start – what does this person not do today that they could consider to become more effective?
- Stop – What behaviors do they engage in that get in their way of being successful? What could you encourage them to refrain from doing to be more valuable?
2. Get Specific: Both positive and developmental feedback that is too vague cannot be helpful in changing behavior. What exactly did you see, hear or experience? What about others? Avoid labels or generalities. The more recent the feedback, the better.
3. Show Impact: An easy formula to remember for providing feedback with impact is to refer to the performance standard and compare it with the actual performance. If the performance met or exceeded the standard, this is a great time to recognize it. If this is a situation where the performance fell below the standard, discuss that gap. Take time to explain the impact of the gap. Do this in terms of what is important to the team member. Perhaps a career goal they have articulated to you, a potential promotion, bonus, objective attainment, stronger team or working relationship.
4. Actionable: Engage the person to discuss what actions can be taken to improve. Work as a two-person team to discuss ideas and come up with a plan to address the issue. Ultimately, they own it, but you can be a useful resource. Partner with them for improved performance.
These characteristics of feedback will keep you on the right track to successful performance conversations. Knowing this, there are still many people who shy away from difficult conversations and feedback that is challenging or developmental. Keep in mind that you may have information that will truly make an impact in helping this person grow and achieve his or her goals. You are doing the person a disservice by not being straight with them. Certainly doing this in a kind manner while being candid is essential and can make an impact for improving performance.
The 5-Fold Resolution That Will Revolutionize Your Business
So we are into the second week of the new year … if you’re like most people, you’ve already abandoned at least one of the resolutions on your list. Don’t feel too badly – at least you made one at all! Research shows that only 40 to 45% of American adults even make resolutions each year.
Even though almost 50% of people who make new years resolutions do break them in the first 6 months, research shows that making resolutions is useful. People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t. So why not improve your odds at making a change and explicitly define one goal that will affect you, your business, your customers, employees and your competition in 2012. What resolution has this 5-fold effect?
RESOLUTION:
Focus on CONNECTING with your customers & improving their
EXPERIENCE with your organization
THE RESULT BOOST:
1) Retention 2) Sales 3) Team morale 4) Gain competitive advantage
5) Your peace of mind because your business is founded on rock-solid customer relationships
You may not be able to influence the national economic forecast or consumer confidence index – but you can impact the confidence your customers have in your team’s capabilities, reliability, quality and commitment to their business.
Other options for improving profitability & gaining competitive advantage are: 1) lowering prices – not very profitable and 2) improving product quality, which can take substantial time and money. The fastest and most cost-effective way to impact the bottom line & differentiate your business is to focus on improving your relationships with your customers & boosting the number of positive experiences they have working with your organization.
FOCUS ON PEOPLE – NOT NUMBERS
The most important aspect of this resolution is helping your team learn how to move from concentrating on customer service or satisfaction, and focus on really connecting with customers & improving their experiences when working with your team. They are different goals. Let’s look at the definitions of each:
Service [sur-vis]
a. an act of helpful activity
b. to aid or be useful
Connect [kuh-nekt]
a. to join or unite
b. to relate to or be in harmony with another person, or one’s work
Given the choice would you rather simply provide a helpful activity, aid & be useful to your customers, or be joined or united and relate & be in harmony with them? If your customer feels like you “get it” and are tuned in to their business, understand their goals, pain points & find solutions to their needs – they will feel a connection with your organization, as opposed to simply serviced or satisfied.
Now no one is saying you shouldn’t measure the resulting improvements with customer relationships in some way, but if there is too high a focus on” ratings”, then it is easy for it to become more about achieving a minimum level in satisfaction, rather than becoming tuned in and focused on understanding your customer’s business, their needs & how to solve their problems. Let’s face it – people either feel like someone “gets it” or they don’t – there isn’t a sliding scale. Who can walk away feeling confident about the job someone will do if they feel like they were only kind of understood? From this customer perspective, on a scale from 1 to 10 – you are either a 10 or a 1, there’s no in between.
EQ – What Einstein didn’t teach you!
Have you ever worked with someone who was incredibly smart, but somehow managed to damage relationships and had difficulty working with other people effectively? We have all heard the term “book smarts”, describing someone who might score well on an intelligence test. Different terms are used to describe a
person through of as savvy and very successful at relating to other people, finding ways to accomplish their goals. Maybe you have referred to that kind of person as “street smart” or “good at building relationships”.
In the last 15 years the term Emotional Intelligence has surfaced. Very much like having an IQ (intelligence quotient) as it is measured; several models of Emotional Intelligence or EQ have come onto the scene in business. One of the grandfathers of the term Daniel Goleman identified the five “domains” of EQ as:
- Knowing your emotions.
- Managing your own emotions.
- Motivating yourself.
- Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions.
- Managing relationships, i.e., managing the emotions of others.
Leaders and companies across industries are acknowledging the importance of this skill set so much so that it is consistently trumping other skills for hiring and promotional decisions. Many successful leaders swear by the practice of “hiring for attitude”. What they are really hiring for is emotional intelligence.
CareerBuilder.com commissioned a poll this year and found that more than 70 percent of employers say they value emotional intelligence over workers’ intellectual ability or IQ.
The jobs site’s survey also found that in this post-recession era that more than a third of employers place greater emphasis on hiring and promoting people who have high emotional intelligence quotients, or EQ.
Further, CareerBuilder found that 61 percent of employers surveyed said they are more likely to promote workers with high emotional intelligence instead of candidates with a high IQ. What’s more, 59 percent of hiring managers said they wouldn’t hire someone with a high IQ but a low EQ.
“In a recovering economy, employers want people who can effectively make decisions in stressful situations and can empathize with the needs of their colleagues and clients,” Rosemary Haefner, vice president of human resources at CareerBuilder, said in a statement accompanying the release of the survey data.
“Technical competency and intelligence are important assets for every worker,” Haefner said. “[But] the competitive job market allows employers to look more closely at the intangible qualities that pay dividends down the road.”
If you are already convinced this is important for your personal career growth and success, how do you go about demonstrating Emotional Intelligence? Some answers can be found in more detailed responses from over 2,600 private-sector hiring managers surveyed by Harris Interactive as part of the study CareerBuilder.com commissioned.
When asked why emotional intelligence is more important than high IQ, employers said employees with high emotional intelligence (in order of importance):
- Are more likely to stay calm under pressure
- Know how to resolve conflict effectively
- Are empathetic to their team members and react accordingly
- Lead by example
- Tend to make more thoughtful business decisions
Human resource managers and hiring managers assess candidates’ emotional intelligence by observing a variety of behaviors and qualities. The top responses from the survey were:
- Admitting and learning from mistakes
- Keeping emotions in check and having thoughtful discussions on tough issues
- Listening as much or more than they talk
- Taking criticism well
- Showing grace under pressure
In addition to thinking about how you can increase you own EQ by demonstrating the skills listed above, Aha! Leadership developed a multi-session series and workbook Leaders can use with their teams to strengthen working relationships. The series was designed to provide a deeper insight about team members and simply start a dialogue. Knowing the goals, motivation and ways your team perceives information is critical to successfully leading. The biggest mistake we see leaders make is NOT taking time to better understand the people they work with. “I am too busy” is often cited as a reason this does not happen. “Our conversations are centered around solving business problems or dealing with fires. When could I fit this in?” The reality is having strong EQ skills is sure to circumvent a number of issues, thus saving everyone time in the long-run.
3 Keys to Effectively Giving Thanks
As leaders most of us mean well but forget one really important skill… the ability to showing appreciation. According to the US Dept of Labor, the number one reason Americans leave their jobs is because they didn’t feel appreciated and currently 64% of Americans don’t feel appreciated at work! That’s staggering … on the other hand I get it and can actually relate. As an employee, I can’t honestly say that I felt totally appreciated. On the other hand, as a leader I had the attitude that: “they know how much I appreciate them…”.
The question is …do they?
Did you know?
- 89% of managers believe employees quit their jobs for money. Fact: only 12% leave for money. Most, actually quit because of their relationship with their boss.
Source: 5 Languages of Appreciation
- Only 35% of Americans received recognition in the workplace last year
(That means a staggering 65% of Americans didn’t receive even a thank you!).
Source: Gallup Org.
- 2 to 1 Employees favor recognition from managers over coworkers. In other words, your team wants you to notice them.
Source: 5 Languages of Appreciation
When you show appreciation for the people on your team it improves their confidence and competence.
Here are three simple things to keep in mind when showing appreciation or recognizing someone for a job well done:
1. Personalize it – Find out what is personally motivating to the person you are recognizing and include that. Avoid “one size fits all” and make the reward more meaningful. When in doubt, ask! Check out the book The 5 Languages of Appreciation by Gary Chapman. See Issue #161 of the Aha! Leadership Newsletter for a summary of 5 Languages of Appreciation. Not a subscriber? Sign up here!
2. Be Timely — Try to provide recognition that is as close to the positive outcome or behavior you are trying to reinforce. It loses power when too much time passes.
3. Be Authentic — Point out in a genuine and specific way, what the person did that was positive. What exactly did the person do that resulted in a successful outcome? This is your opportunity to reinforce what went right. Using colorful adjectives without meaning clouds the opportunity to perpetuate what is working.
This weeks’ leadership challenge…
Give thanks to those that you appreciate most! You will be amazed by their reaction…
6 Secrets for Turning a Mistake Around
Six Secrets for Turning a Mistake with a Customer into a Golden Opportunity
Let’s face it – no matter how much we plan for success and train our teams how to serve our customers with excellence, sometimes things are just going to go wrong. Great leaders actually plan for things to go wrong. Sound crazy? When things go wrong it can actually be a chance to capture a customer’s loyalty for good … if handled correctly.
Don’t miss these golden
opportunities!
- Acknowledge & Expect Challenges
Even if you have developed a stellar team that values the customer & always keeps them top of mind, people make mistakes or imperfect decisions when faced with a challenge. Let your team know that you understand this and that you need them to be transparent about it when it happens, so that you can leverage all available & reasonable resources to repair the problem. Time is often not on your side in these cases and reacting quickly can provide you with more options than if you wait. It also shows the customer that you are giving the situation priority & attention, so they can relax and trust that your team is on top of it and looking for solutions. Make sure employees you are having challenges with are not in a position to bottle-neck your ability to respond in an effort to avoid another “black mark”.
- Immediately Apologize to the Customer!
One of the most powerful and under utilized phrases is “I’m sorry”. If you’ve messed up – or even if you haven’t but the customer thinks you did, teach your team
to immediately respond to a concerned or upset customer with, “I’m so sorry – let’s figure this out!” The customer is likely anticipating a fight – so let them “win” right off the bat & change the tone to one of cooperation. Customers just want to know you’re interested in helping make it right if you need to. Going on the defense, acting neutral or reciting “policy” creates an us versus them tone. You can sort out who really screwed up later, but meanwhile the tone will be more collaborative, you will both be working together looking into what makes sense.
- Keep the Big Picture in Mind
It’s so easy to get focused on the wrong things when a customer is pointing the finger. Warn your team about these two common pitfalls:
- Winning the battle & losing the war is an easy trap to fall into. You don’t have to capitulate to everything a customer demands – but when developing a solution it makes sense to take into account the entire relationship, their history with you, how large a footprint this perceived problem will make in their organization, and the probability that the real story will be understood as it spreads.
- Focusing on “my job” and losing sight of what makes sense for the customer and your relationship, is a common and usually unintended trap your team can fall into. If a problem is blocking them from completing one of their responsibilities the natural tendency may be to focus on the completion of task because that is their “job”. Reinforce that their ultimate job is to do what is right for the customer as well as making sense to your organization.
Instead work with your team to:
- React how they would want someone to if they were in the same situation and they believed they were right.
- Talk about & emphasize what makes sense.
- Remember: refunds & guarantees may be necessary and fair – a good start – but they don’t fix relationships, people do.
- Develop a formal action plan
Account for problem situations with customers and develop a procedure for moving these situations out of the normal process, and funneling them into one that provides for manual handling, human contact, and quick approval for solutions that are developed. Remember that acting swiftly usually provides you with more options for fixing what is wrong.
- Provide Tools
Most people really care, want to connect with the customer & do the right thing. But they don’t always naturally know how to communicate effectively. It’s just not their expertise or strength. You can help them by providing a way to learn these skills.
Learning what to say, and how to talk to an upset or unhappy customer is crucial. Providing your team with tools can be as simple as teaching them how & when to use powerful language & caring phrases to elicit information from a customer, like “Can you help me understand ..?” Remind them that if the customer is unable to tell them what they do want, your employee can take the information about what is wrong & that they don’t want, and consider options for simply doing the opposite.
- Prepare & Practice
For a lot of people it’s a long way from their brain to their mouth. Knowing something in your head, is different than actually articulating it and expressing it out of your mouth – especially if their dealing with an upset customer. The best way for your team to become good at it is to practice what to say and how to say. It’s also important to remind them that even though it may feel like it’s personal when a customer is expressing themselves angrily, it’s really not. Teach them to take the emotion out of it, or pretend that the customer is not angry, but rather sad & asking them for help.
Where’s the golden opportunity in all of this? Sadly, doing the right thing isn’t common enough in today’s world and many organizations focus on minimizing their monetary losses rather than doing the right thing. Can you think of a time when a company you were doing business with messed something up badly, but then willingly did what it took to make it right? What kind of feeling did you have about that organization at the end of the day? How loyal are you to them now? How many people did you tell the story to? Can you think of a better way to distinguish your business and differentiate from the competition?
6 Scientifically Proven Ways to Slash Stress
If you are leading a team (or running your own business), you know a thing or two about stress. People react differently to stress. Some eat too much, some don’t eat at all. Some work even harder to get things done, others stop working altogether. But there’s one thing that all stressful people share – a decreased ability in the brain function. This is a death sentence in the knowledge economy. But fret not, help is on the way.
The Big (Little) Ideas:
Take on one of the challenges below for the next week and see how it feels. Your stress levels should see an immediate improvement.
- Seek and destroy.Seriously… this is the secret to reducing stress. Find out the things that you know cause you unnecessary stress, and eliminate them before the become a problem. Don’t like your cell phone buzzing every 2 minutes with a new email? Turn off the notifications.
- Find more positive coping mechanisms. If you are like most people, your coping mechanisms tend to be on the unhealthy side – the drink after work, the extra helping of potatoes at dinner, or thecigarette over the lunch hour. Replace those negative copingmechanisms with positive ones – take a walk, or even just a few deep breathes make a big difference.
- Keep to-do lists. Yes, you’ve heard this before, right? However, the cold hard truth is that people who keep to-do lists get more done.
- Train yourself to be calm.There are people in the world who can remain calm under the most stressful situations – most senior executives have mastered this skill. A crazy example… think about lion tamers. They weren’t born with the ability to remain calm while starting death in the face, the were trained to. A little exercise and daily relaxation techniques will take you a long way to facing any situation with calm and grace.
- Plan your day. First thing in the morning take just a few minute planning your day will help you feel in control and get more done. Pick the 5 things that you must get done each day and do them. You will be amazed at how much more productive your day will be.
- Plan your life. B.F. Skinner – the famous psychologist – maintained a 10-year planner. You might start with a shorter time frame, but these plans really can help you feel more in control of your destiny, which means less stress.
Don't let stress bog you down, take control of your health.
Why It Matters?
We all face stress. Almost everybody I’ve ever met has at some point complained about their lives being too stressful. The one and only thing you can do to make your life less stressful is to get better at dealing with stressful situations. They saythat the most hardest thing to manage in business is yourself. Keeping your stress level down will help you manage yourself so that you can get to important stuff — managing your business effectively.
Tools: Apply these to your business and life.
Take on one of the challenges above for the next week and see how it feels. Your stress levels should see an immediate improvement.
Turn off your auto email notification
I did this a week ago and I truly can’t believe how much time this saved me! Research says that we waste 64 seconds on every notification that we receive… Take control and turn off email notifications.
Click here for easy instructions on how to turn off your email notifications.
Share document using Dropbox
Stop emailing versions of documents back and forth. Instead share documents using the “cloud”. Dropbox is a great tool…learn more by going to dropbox.com.
Learn to text…vs. leaving a Voice-mail
If you don’t text yet… learn. It’s easy and great for sending short quick messages to your family. It’s much easier than leaving a voice mail.
Leadership Blunder Part 2
In the last newsletter we spent some time thinking about the biggest mistakes leaders can make. Certainly everyone makes missteps. Learning, adjusting and improving from those mistakes are critical skills to develop yourself. In that article there were some major leadership mishaps identified that cost leaders big time. Betraying trust, wavering in uncertainty or arrogance were just a few of the Leadership Blunders mentioned by a collection of experts put together by Harvard Business Publishing. To refer to the video referenced last time, click here: Harvard Business Publishing Leadership Blunders.
Aha! Leadership wanted to turn this discussion towards, what leaders should do to be successful. We asked you the question: What is the most impactful thing a person can do to successfully lead? Sixteen of our readers responded to the call, here is what you said:
Over half of responses cited trust and integrity as being most important. One reader put it like this, “Have integrity and care about the organization, the people it serves, and the employees.” Almost half of the responses in this category mentioned the idea of leading by example. Nothing takes the wind out of the sails more than the “Do as I say, not as I do” philosophy of leadership. You can see it sink morale and turn a team cynical. You may have experienced this at some point, for example, a leader who slashed the budget in the name of cost-cutting and then made some expensive, perhaps unnecessary purchases. The leader who talked up the idea of work ethic and charging hard, but did the bare minimum to get by on the job. The examples are endless.
How refreshing and impactful to see a leader who understands how to walk their talk! One reader shared this philosophy, “Don’t ask someone to do something that you would not do yourself.” Trust workshops are highly sought after in Aha! Leadership’s Practice. Many leaders understand this and want to make sure they emulate trust building behaviors with their teams and in their organizations.
The next highest concentration of responses was around valuing and caring for the people under your leadership at over 18%. Just over 10% of responses were about empowerment of the team members. Two additional responses that were hard to categorize elsewhere were about:
1) ensuring as leaders we have humility and vulnerability;
and 2) listening and providing appropriate guidance/direction.
Trust and teamwork are cornerstones of successful businesses.
Hearing people’s candid responses to help leaders become more effective is so valuable to those reading this article. Thank you. There are no hidden agendas, people we are trying to please or impress, just an honest answers to help us get better. Let’s not allow this advice to go past us without some reflection. How can you take a step to improve your leadership? What will you do after reading this to make a difference in your leadership?
Lessons from Leadership Blunders
Ask someone in the business world what is the biggest mistake a leader can make and you will get no shortage of answers. People can pretty quickly recollect a leader who disappointed, failed to deliver or even worse got caught in a situation that damaged their integrity. If you need help identifying a leadership mistake, the media can certainly point out plenty of public figures fallen from positions of power and prestige to scandal.
Although mistakes can complicate your job; they are an excellent way to learn crucial lessons.
This Harvard Business Publishing video asked business and thought leaders across the map what is the biggest mistake a leader can make. Watch the video to find out what executives from Google, Harvard University, Morgan Stanley and other organizations have to say about the topic.
Video: Harvard Business Publishing: The Biggest Mistake a Leader Can Make
With all the variety of ways to damage one’s ability to lead, we can take lessons of experience from these leadership mistakes: Learn from them, keep ourselves in check and avoid making these mistakes. We have all experienced or noted leaders who taught us what not to do.
Of course, we learn many traits and characteristics to emulate from strong and effective leaders as well: what to do. It is worthwhile to flip the question Harvard asked and explore what is the most impactful thing a person can do to successfully lead? We are asking you to weigh in on this topic, with a simple straightforward answer to this question. It will take less than 2 minutes. Aha! Leadership Survey – Impactful Leadership
In Aha! Leadership’s next newsletter, we’ll share a summary of responses to this question and explore what to emulate in successful leaders.
